I saw you, because you let me.
You were right there by my side, until you let go.
You didn’t tell me, and I didn’t look back,
Until I was too far out of your reach.
I was thrilled. I was furious.
I trusted you. I felt you let me down.
It took just a moment to go from a trike to a two-wheeler,
But all of these years to understand, and let go of the anger . . .
Of the confused jumble of mixed feelings which made me so independent – so furious.
It took until today, when it became my turn.
Time removed her training wheels.
She was excited and nervous. So was I.
She pleaded with me to not let her fall. I promised I’d be there for her.
She saw me, because I let her.
She was confident because she knew I was there.
I helped her keep her balance until I felt she was ready.
I let go for one, then two seconds – yet, once she became unsteady,
I felt my fingers tighten under her seat.
It took great effort but I managed to loosen my grip – ever so slightly, once she began to fall.
She tried to steady herself with fury in her eyes,
. . . and I saw me yelling at you “for letting go”.
If I had truly ‘let go’, my wrist wouldn’t have been so twisted and sore.
I controlled her fall because I needed to help her anticipate the motion.
Now what I need is to learn how t let her ride out of my reach.
I still feel the need to buffer her falls.
It will take much courage and confidence in all I’ve given to her over the years . . .
. . . a great deal of inner strength for me to permit her to test herself.
I knew she’d be angry.
Maybe she will stay angry deep inside, until after she has the pleasure of helping her first child
learn to ride life’s two-wheeler.
I look forward to the moment her fury becomes respect and admiration, as did mine.
More importantly, I wish her the wonderful satisfaction of exploring
her incredible personal strength . . .
. . . of discovering her honest feelings.
I wish her, too, inner tranquility born of the ability to “let go” of all inevitable misunderstandings
natural in the mind of a child.
I know I will continue to be here for her, unconditionally, as you have always been for me.
All I will need, finally, is to find and grasp the power I now was within your reach,
so that I might truly let her ride “too far” out of mine.
© 1994 by N.E.C. Iankowitz