In the game of life, we are dealt cards, and those are the ones we play with, from birth to earth. Or are they? Do we have a choice? To some degree, we do. We can choose our friends, but not blood relatives. The trick is to know which friends to choose and which family members to trust.
Life’s journey is filled with discovery regarding the “right” table, friends with whom to play, and then agreeing on the game. Magic happens when we find a circle of friends and family with whom we play nicely, and by whom the same rules are embraced. Wisdom is knowing when to hold, fold, walk away, or run. Kenny Rogers got it right in his song “The Gambler.” Google it for an overview.
Communication is key. Eye contact, vibration, expressions, and words are all part of the game. If discomfort becomes anxiety, be aware – it distracts from balance of mind, body and spirit, and imbalance triggers illness. Imbalance in the mind may cause illogical thinking; it may feed spiritual distress, and may ultimately set us up for accidental “missteps” resulting in twisted ankles, broken bones, or even high blood pressure, depression and/or other maladies. So how can we neutralize the anxiety that is a flag notifying us that we’re somehow not playing the right game or not with the right people or at the right table?
Steps to Neutralize Mixed Vibrations
Recognizing that you are off balance is Step 1. Once you recognize that you are feeling anxiety, self-reflect. Is there a mixed vibration coming at me or from me? Is someone whom I thought I could trust saying, “I will always be there for you, but I wish you would stop calling me”? Or am I the one signaling this to another? Has space been given but after having a few weeks of “no-contact,” does the other person (or do I) state: “Why did you cut me out of your life?” In this case, the next question should be: “Who is holding the scissors?” Throughout these levels of recognition and self-questioning, you may conclude that either deeper and more honest self-reflection is necessary to define your true desire for the relationship, and a heart-to-heart is in order – or it is time to move on. Difficult as it may be when it is family or a friend of long standing, Step 2 is the need to draw healthy boundaries. You might consult with a trusted friend or impartial third party who is trained in therapeutic interventions to heal relationships (such as a life coach or your healthcare provider).
How Do I Approach Each Day?
Some people approach each day lovingly and trusting everyone they meet. They smile, embrace life with positive energy, and then begin to weed people out. They categorize people as dear friends or acquaintances, and then may further subdivide the rest as neutral or negative, with whom brief and/or only sporadic contact is maintained.
Some people go through life with more caution. They don’t trust easily, seem reserved, and might present as aloof or sarcastic. These people often lack self-trust, requiring others they meet to earn trust by jumping though lots of hoops before trust can be earned. The first type of person usually invests deeply in people; thus, only a few who are worthy as confidants earn the trust and respect necessary to be called “a close friend.” The second type of person generally finds it difficult to trust anyone; thus, rarely feels a need to distinguish between labels. Everyone within that person’s orbit may be called a “close” or “dear” friend, upon reference or introduction to others at a gathering.
If you are the first type, you would likely not enjoy a game of life at a table with people who play a game of “relationship poker” that revolves around constant one-upping of one another’s problems.
If the above-mentioned scenario is the type of game that nourishes balance in your spirit play on. If not, redefining boundaries to create your safe space will likely require quietly folding, and gently excusing yourself from the table mindfully, so as not to ruffle feathers. This group will probably not even notice you’re gone, unless you deliberately make a scene by attempting to educate, reflect or otherwise change the rules of the game they all seem to enjoy. You’re the outsider. Find a new group to trust.
Mixed vibrations are at the root of most communication issues. Deciding whether you trust instantly, or tend to require that others earn your trust before you open up is an important beginning. Then, assessing your life-tools is the next thing you do. You might consult with a life coach or other mental health provider for tips and tools to help you earn self-trust, and then help you sort out how to go about defining the life game and the rules you’d like to play by. With self-trust you are equipped to not just join a game of your choice, you can set out the cards at your own table, and invite others to help write the rules. This is your life, your journey, and all steps taken and avoided are your choice. Here’s to your balance, wellness, and healing.
Dr. Nancy Iankowitz is a board-certified family nurse practitioner and Director of Holistic and Integrative Healing LLC. She is also host of “Marcy’s World,” which streams live on the Marcy’s World Facebook page. Email your questions to: DrIankowitz@yahoo.com. For more information, call (917) 716-6802, or visit www.DrIankowitz.com online.